Confessions of a Hyperthyroid, SUCCESS, and Back On Track

As you all know, I was having a rough month.
I know it's nice to see others in the same position you are in so you don't feel so alone, so my setbacks are kinda good for you all!
But I feel I have wayyyy too many slip ups under my belt now... So sorry if I've ever let any of you down with how many times I've messed up!

So I got my results back from the blood test the other day and was told to up my hyperthyroid medication [tapazole, which is supposed to make my thyroid less hyper] to 3 pills a day.

Now here's the confession part....

Even when I was told to take 2 pills a day.... I did not.
I didn't take any pills.

Secretly... I wanted to stay hyper, and not go into hypo. I wanted to keep my firing metabolism. I didn't want to have the horror stories of those with Hypothyroidism who say it's impossible to lose weight.

Unfortunately, I didn't think of all the other negative side effects that comes with hyperthyroidism. Along with a speedy metabolism, comes increasing hunger and the feeling of never being satisfied with food.
I didn't realize this until I started up again with the 3 pill dosage a few days ago.

When I took the recommended dose in the morning,  

I felt like a brand new person!

I DIDN'T FEEL HUNGRY ALL THE TIME
I DIDN'T FEEL STARVING THROUGHOUT THE DAY
And most importantly
I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE BINGING AT ALL

I was so angry at myself....
All this time I was trying to FIGHT my body, keep it out of whack and not in a normal state by keeping it in the hyper stage. Why?! Just to help me along to get my fit body!?!
Turns out I was doing more harm than good! I feel like THIS is part of the reason why I started binging.... when the hyper symptoms came back.. all these overwhelming hunger pangs and never feeling satisfied with food feelings flooded and overwhelmed me...

Now that I'm back on the recommended dosage, I actually feel NORMAL.
I can't believe I wasted so many months fighting it, when I should have just done it all along: Listened to the doctors, took my medication, and maybe if I had done that I wouldn't be in this position I am now! Ah beating myself in the head as I type this... but no mistakes without lessons learned, and boy did I learn the hard way.

Anyway, that's my confession! I was secretly trying to rev up my body to get the body I wanted, and ended up doing the exact opposite. I made my body go too crazy, hungry all the time, and didn't treat it like I should have, BUT NOW I KNOW BETTER. So if any of you hyperthyroids are out there trying to do what I did.. DON'T!

Learn from my mistakes. Listen to the docs, and get to a normal level! <3

Now I'm excited to get my levels down to a NORMAL person's levels, eat like a normal person, live a fit and healthy lifestyle, and not let myself fall back again!

And sooooo I've kinda had the past 3 weeks to relax, rest, and really think about this lifestyle journey of mine. And I wanted to share with you all what I've come up with.

First off, I may end up quitting my part time job in my Mexi- Italian restaurant... Just to not shove temptation in my face every weekend and set myself up for failure. I'm going to try and find another job that's not revolved around food! This way I can focus on the end of the semester and school work.. but then again I dooo need the money for healthy groceries... ah college budget... this is just a "maybe thought" as of now....

Next, the "clean eating" aspect. I've kinda changed my whole view on how I'll be eating now.
One of the reasons for my binging in the first place, besides making myself super hungry from letting my thyroid go super hyper, was because of restriction.

After a while of eating crap the past few weeks, I found myself not even wanting that much bad food anymore! I was able to say "no" to a burrito, froyo, cereal, and other food vices of mine, which was a HUGE step for me!

Granted I'm not "cured" or "recovered" and I can't guarantee I won't binge again in the future, but this baby step was like a giant step for me, and I'm happy about that.

So because of this revelation, I have made some changes to how I'm going to eat:

• I will NOT always be eating clean all the time. 
• I won't freak out about extra carbs or fats etc. 
• I'm just going to eat "most of the time [80-90%]" healthy and if I find myself needing a small treat, then I'll have it! I'll have an extra scoop of peanut butter, I'll have a little piece of chocolate, I'll have an Oreo or a piece of not so clean bread or some hot chocolate! 
• I'll no longer say "I can't have...". 
• I CAN have it, and maybe telling myself I CAN have it, will make me be able to say, "Nah, I don't really want it". Does that make any sense? If it's not seen as off limits to me, then maybe I won't crave it so much!

 

And guess what?! I had this bad boy up here! It was a burger stuffed with a hotdog in the middle, CRAZY right?! And a side of sweet potato fries! Also had a fried oreo afterwards OH MY LAWDDDD. So good.

And in the past this is how it normally would have went:

Eat bad junk meal

Go home

Raid Cupboard

Eat 10 peanut butter banana sandwiches

+ protein bars

+ nature valley bars

+ anything else I could find in my kitchen at that time

Then go to bed feeling guilty as ever

But guess what happened today?

Eat bad junk meal

Went for a walk

Worked on my ebook

Ate a little sampling of one of my new recipes

Walked the dog

Baked tilapia

Finished ebook!

Walked the dog again [he pooped in the house URGH]

Working on this blog post

YES. That's right. NO BINGING. BABY STEPS! 

SUCCESS!

Oh my gosh and I can NOT tell you how proud I am of myself! 

To be able to have a cheat meal, and then NOT go home and binge.... 

I could literally cry tears of joy.... You don't know how many times in the past I would have done the usual routine above.... Go home and binge on everything in site.. 

I can't remember a time I DIDN'T do that! But now I can, and that night is TONIGHT! And I hope for MANY MANY MANY more nights like these! Where I can go out, and eat a not so healthy food, and come back and get back on track!

And man, does it feel GOOOOOOD.

Next thing I'm working on are: Goals. Making clear goals for myself is what I need for motivation.
If you're lacking motivation, that really means you don't have anything you're STRIVING for! Go BEYOND aesthetics like "I wanna look good" but go more for the inner goals, "I want to be stronger, I want my mind to be stronger, I want to start being healthy now so in the future it won't be so hard..." Etc. Find your own goals and reasons to keep to this fit healthy lifestyle!

Or even do the OPPOSITE, think of what'll happen if you DON'T DO ANYTHING.
Like the quote I posted the other day on Instagram:

What'll happen if you DON'T change! Think of the negative views! "I have no control, I don't feel confident, I need to buy new clothes..." Etc etc.... Sad but sometimes the negative reasons push us to act as well!

And next thing I thought about were WORKOUTS. I have to remember to DO my workouts, lift heavy, train dirty, do cardio, and GET FIT! BUTTTT if I miss workouts, it's not the end of the world. A lifestyle journey should be enjoyable for life, not a chore! I'm not going to do things I absolutely despise! If I am just going to be doing things I hate, why would I even WANT to get up and do them? NO, my workouts will be fun, enjoyable, and make me HYPED to get to the gym!

WELLPPPPPP this blog post was kinda everywhere... sorry for my spasticness :P BUT overall I've learned to trust doctors :P, keep up with my medicine, I've gotten a new perspective on this healthy lifestyle, I've had a SUCCESSFUL day, and I'll have many more to come.

Peace out #fitfam <3 <3

Truth and #confessiontime...

Soooo now that I have different forms of social media, ill explain what I'll be using each for!

Blog: itsvmfitness.blogspot.com
I’ll be using my blog to update with longer posts and updates! More informational updates or fitness and health related things!


YouTube: YouTube.com/user/thevmfitness
I'll be using my YouTube for random vlogs about my bikini competition journey, and other things like q&a’s, workouts, reviews, cooking, etc!


Tumblr: vmfitness.tumblr.com
Ill use this tumblr to post everything I post on my INSTAGRAM (instagram.com/vmfitness) for those of you who donlt have Instagram! PLUS other daily things, more quotes, maybe random updates on foods I eat, workouts, etc! More of a daily blog than my blogspot blog!!


Twitter: twitter.com/vmfitness
This will be where all my random rantings and thoughts will be :P

Thanks for following my lifestyle journey fitfam! I love you ALL! <3

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If you follow me on my instagram, then you probably saw this post:

"Confession time: been pretty slacking this past week with foods and workouts... I've kinda lost my own motivation! Sorry to let you all down but I'm not always on point either! School was stressful with tests and reviews so I missed workouts (no excuse I know), this ebook is making me taste all these clean treats (still no excuse), and I've just been slackingggg. I've been giving myself excuses and reasons for slacking and thinking its ok.. Like "I have 14 more weeks left" or "eh it won't affect me thatttt much" etc etc. but in all honesty, I gotta take my own advice!! Stop getting in the habit of puttin things off, stop thinking that these little things WILL add up over time... A #randomthoughts of Josie this morning! I even thought of backing out of my bikini competition because of certain things (LENGTHY: but ill put the reasons why in a blog post this week!) however I'm still going to do it and go for it! Just needed to post this pic today, I CAN DO IT! YOU can do it!! You have to BELIEVE in your power to change and get motivated and go out there and kick some serious fat in the a$$! Even when you have days/weeks/times of low motivation, and slacking in the lifestyle, you have to pick yourself up, KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS, WANT to do it, and then simple, DO IT!  again, you don't fail until you completely give up. DONT DO IT. Also, the dessert volume of my ebook may have to be finished early.. There aren't as many recipes as I had hoped butttt if I keep making any more tasty desserts and eating them(been baking like 2-3 a day!) ill blow up like a whale! "

So yeah, basically the past week following my spring break [which ALSO was a bad week with workouts and eating] didn't go so well... that makes 2 weeks in a row of not doing so well... but you know what? IT'S OK! It already happened... it's in the past. Nothing I can do about it now! My excuses were weak too... just busy with school, and trying to get this ebook out to you all, made me bake a LOT, and therefor eat and taste a lot haha [guiltyyyy]. 

Time to MOVE ON. I'm holding tons of water weight and I do feel puffy! But nothing that getting back to routine can't fix right?! 

Oh yeah, I mentioned that I was thinking about backing out of my bikini competition journey... 

Ahhh sighhh I had soooo many reasons for doing this competition and prep, lots and lots of reasons, but the main one that I'll share with you here is because I really wanted to get control of my eating habits, aka 

BINGING.

I thought 

"Hey, if I can get through this prep and hard tough journey, then YEAH I can do anything! I can refuse junk food, stop at 1 cookie, not eat the whole box of [insert delicious naughty food of choice]"

Unfortunately though, it seems that this hasn't happened... I'm still struggling with binging... During spring break I found myself going back to old ways, eating everything I could get my hands on.. and now back at school, I'm still having hard times with control. So I thought,

"Is this comp really helping me achieve that goal I set for myself? Or is it just making me crave MORE because I'm restricting and is it completely making me do what I'm trying NOT to do?"

And while it is true, that it is NOT helping as of now.... I think I'm still going to go through with it... Ah I don't know... it's such a mental struggle... I honestly don't know what to do... That's right guys

I ADMIT I AM WEAK

I AM HUMAN

I am torn now.... 1 of any of these things could happen:

1. Continue this journey hoping that I can find this control that I crave and yearn for, hoping that I'll reach my goal...
2. Continue this journey and find myself binging again..
3. Decide not to compete and just enjoy the healthy lifestyle...

I'm also TERRIFIED of post competition, when it's all over and I get to eat normal healthy lifestyle again... so many horror stories of ladies just BINGING until they're swollen and gain back alll the lost weight again.... and I feel like that will most definitely happen to me...

I know so many of you support me on this ride to my first bikini competition, and I don't want to let any of YOU down.. but I do have to decide what's best for ME. Well it's all in the air right now.. not sure what I'll do.... Will be thinking it over the next few days/weeks etc....

But as of now, I AM STARTING FRESH. Back on the clean eating train after the past few weeks of slacking. I'm just going to continue healthy eating, working out, and see what I decide and where I'm at with the bikini competition journey...


To be continued....


Josie

Bikini Journey Update & Ravish Sands

Hey Everyone!

Sorry for being so MIA on the blog lately!
I know I said I'd be doing updates on my bikini competition journey, but it looks like I'll just be doing more updates vlog style on my YOUTUBE account! So head over there to see the random videos I'll post regarding bikini prep!

I had a rough 2nd week of prep, meals prepped weren't tasty or fun, therefor that lead me to cheat a lot on my diet, a lotttttt. But I'm determined to make this 3rd Week PERFECT. No messing up!

STICKING TO THE PLAN, NO SELF SABOTAGE!

Ah this bikini journey is going to be a LOT tougher than I thought. I mean I knew it was going to be hard, thought I was prepared... Turns out haha I'M NOT! But you can never really prepare 100% mentally through these things! You just have to take it one day at a time!

Things I'm doing this week for a smoother 3rd week of comp prep:

• don't buy anymore bread or peanut butter
• prep tastier and more fun meals
• prepare alllll foods
• go to bed around 10-11, no staying up late = no late night munchies!
• just say NO to the temptations
• if the roomies have bad food, ignore it, remove yourself from the situation!
• keep yourself BUSY - study, clean, do something to keep mind off temptations!
• no more baking clean eating goodies - I'll eat the whole tray!

Ah that's all I can think of for now in how to stop self sabotaging my progress for this upcoming competition!

 

Another update!

I am now sponsored by the lovely RAVISHANDS SWIM WEAR Company! She makes the most BEAUTIFUL custom suits I've ever seen! Not just bikini competition suits either, also regular beach wear suits! Ahh to DIE FOR! They'll be making my suit for my competition EEKKKKK. It's going to look absolutely beautiful!

Check out her website if you're looking for your own competition suit or just a cute sexy suit to wear to the beach this spring/summer!

So fingers crossed my beautiful #fitfam that I stay strong, tough, and motivated this 3rd week!

My coach, Nate, or @mrgeecue on Instagram, or NapaFitPro on youtube, put it wonderfully:

"Imagine yourself in front of temptation.... I want you to feel empowered by the fact that you can resist."

That was just a perfect way of putting it, something I never realized, a new perspective and way of seeing things. I Loved it! AH and now I BELIEVE and hope that I can make it through these next few months!

Wish me luck!

Operation SXY & My Journey through Photos

HELLOOOOO Fitfam.
How are you all doing?
Recovering from Thanksgiving food-coma hangovers? Thought so :P
WELLL Just wanted to share what's been going on with me, and my plans for the future!
FIRST, I'll show you the progress and lack of progress I've made 

MY PHOTO FITNESS JOURNEY  

Sorry the pictures dates are kind of all over the place! Bare with me!

At this point in September, I was happy with my body! That's my goal to get back to!
From April 2012 --> September 2012

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My progress through May 2012 on the Fat Flush Diet Plan. 

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At my worst this past Summer 2012 - I had this sickening thought in my mind that my legs just weren't skinny enough so I kept working hard hard hard and keeping a very dangerous calorie deficit. You can see my ribs, and my chest bones were a lot more prominent in real life than in this picture. My arms were frail and weak and I was cold allll the time.
This was around the time where my fitness diaries read things like, "I feel so weak... I couldn't get up the stairs". My mom and dad told me I needed to start eating more and not be so strict on myself, I should have listened! I was killing my poor body. They even said they noticed times where my breathing was shallow and weak, and I didn't even notice that myself! 

*Update: Thanksgiving weekend: My parents say I look better now - obviously more meat than I had in the summer! They said I look "chubbier" haha, but not in the mean way, but more in a better "you have life in you" way. 
They said I also look more attractive now because my face is not the hollowed out cheekbones it used to be anymore. Make sure to listen to those around you! Especially the ones who are only looking out for your well-being. Sometimes they know best!
Don't try to aim for emaciated my #fitfam - you look BETTER with meat and muscle than just skin hanging off bones and your face :/

Me with more muscle and meat, wearing the same shorts as above - October 13, 2012

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The pics of me in the white were taken August 4th, 2012 as my "after summer/ before lifting weights" photos: SKINNY FAT!

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 These were taken the same day as my progress for the first picture I posted:
September 8, 2012 - One month after lifting weights
LIFT WEIGHTS LADIES!
This is the point that I'm trying to get back to :)

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April 2012 --> Start of October, 2012

April 2012 --> October 18, 2012

Summer 2010 --> November 16, 2012

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 On the left, me, nonflexed, as of November 18, 2012 - compared to the right during Summer 2011

 

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And these pics were taken post Thanksgiving Feast-ivities: No flexing: November 22

I'm actually really embarrassed to show where I am currently...
It sucks to see that I've basically gotten back to where I was at the beginning of my journey in May!
Seeing the pictures go from skinny fat, to lean, to fit, to some fat gain, to back to the start. 

But you know what? Now I know my body a little better after these 7 months of changing my lifestyle, so hopefully results will come a bit faster this time around by knowing the proper foods to eat, NOT starving myself, and working out correctly, with ENOUGH rest days incorporated to prevent any burnouts!

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So now: Operation Sexy is a go!

If you read my Instagram posts from a few days ago then you know a little about this "Operation Sexy" :)

If not, here's my post about it!

I was so glad a lot of you found you could relate to this!

I finally buckled down and realized this ^^  after reading about Christina's own slip-ups. Visit her Instagram account, she's SO motivational, and one of my good IG friends!!! I've been following her since the start of my IG, and I loved that we could relate because she was also a hard working college IG girl who lived in anonymousville like me back in the day! And has been super supportive of me the whole way!

So back to the point of my posts the other day:

I realized that I'm only cheating myself of ultimately attaining by dream goal body! And that's just not fair and makes me feel horrible.

If I had been committed since I came to school, how different would my body be now?

If I had kept it to one cheat a week (instead of the.... uhm.. many cheats a week) would I be happier with myself, my body, my will power and strength? Of course! 

So why did I slide back so far? Why did I let myself slip and take 10 paces backwards? Only to regret it all?

Well my fit friends, that's the process of life. 

It's never perfect, never as planned. You will have slip-ups, you will have downfalls. But what matters MOST is what you do with those set backs, how you react and respond. 

As I said in those posts above, you can always say "Oh I'll start tomorrow, so let me finish eating crap today" only to repeat it over and over, week after week, month after month. I know I have! And do I feel good about it? Heck no!

It's time to STOP. Time to train my taste buds to relax and chillll out for a bit! 

They say after 2 weeks, you can train your taste buds to like or dislike something! 

Interesting tidbit huh? 

And they say the longer you go without sweets, the more you don't crave them. 

It's actually so true! I remember my 2nd semester of freshman year, I totally gave up sweets! And after a while, I stopped craving them!

Well here I go. I'm starting new, starting all over. Determined to beat my weak willpower and replace it with a tougher, stronger, and better one.

And it turns out I won't be going on that big vacay after finals like I mentioned in my instagram posts above, but I'll still be heading off somewhere sunny! So time to pop out these bathing suits and get back in gear and in better shape!

It's very obvious that I have gained fat in the after pictures I posted above, so now it's time to start leaning out!
Eh, I definitely haven't built up a ton of muscle in 3 months, more has been fat due to my cheats and treats here and there, whoops! But I do want to see if leaning off some of this fat will bring out some of the baby muscle that I havee built up!

Now I'm no competitor, nutritionist, or personal trainer, so I have no clue how this process works. It's just trial and error. Trying to get as much info I can from google, bodybuilding.com, etc.

And if I'm doing this process wrong, WHO CARES?! I have the rest of my life to try and perfect it.

OPERATION SEXY

I'll be keeping my workout split the same as I had posted earlier, just with a little more cardio!

Workouts:

Monday - Abs & 30 min Cardio

Tuesday - Back and Bis followed by 20 mins cardio

Wednesday - Quads and Calves & HIIT

Thursday - Shoulders followed by 20 mins cardio 

Friday - Chest Tris & HIIT

Saturday - Glutes Hammies and Calves

Sunday - REST

And of course my Eating Rules have to get more strict!

I'm going to actually go back to the Fat Flush Plan book like I did when I first started my lifestyle change in May. Hopefully this will get rid of a lot of the water weight and some fat that I've accumulated over these past few weeks!

My food will be clean and fun, with a combo of healthy fats, protein, and carbs!

Although I don't count calories, I'll just try and keep them around 1500-1800 calories! Will be guesstimating my meals by eyeing them!

Also, I was texting the lovely Meg over at MegaMeows about the usual the other day: life, health, fitness, FOOD, and she mentioned that she's starting to just eat when she's actually HUNGRY!

I think this is a great idea.

I'm currently still trying to control my binges and cravings (I will do another post on this because I know a LOT of you are also struggling with this), and I think just eating when I'm hungry, instead of shoving food down every 2 hours, will give me a better relationship with what I eat, actually enjoying every bite that goes into my mouth.

RULES: 

NO processed foods

No sugars/artificial sweeteners
Try and go gluten free (thyroid issues)

No junk 

All natural foods
Aim for at MOST 1 cheat/week
[no cheats for first 2 weeks]
Drink at least 1 gallon of water a day

I'm going to continue to be lifting weights, add more cardio, combined with a more strict diet, BUT NOT too strict where I feel deprived! Hopefully this will lead to a more shredded, ripped, lean version of vmfitness :P

So that's my plan Stan! It may not be the most perfect plan, but hey it's all trial and error, again, like I said before, I have the rest of my life to figure out the perfect plan and combination of fitness, health, and nutrition for my goals and needs. 

Maybe I won't be able to get the dream body I want for my vacation by mid December, BUTTT I know that if  I stick with this till then, and through the New Year! I'd be so proud of myself!
New Year, new goals, new ME. 

Also, I think if I stuck this out, it'd be a fantastic birthday present TO MYSELF! January 2nd baby!! Like, "Hey GREAT JOB. Happy birthday, here's your goal body that you've worked SO hard for!" <3 

I'll try to update my Instagram more often with my meals and workouts for you guys so that you can see what I'm doing to change my body! 


When I started my lifestyle change in May, it took me around 2 months (around July) to truly like the way my body looked! Before I got emaciated-looking, and when I was leaner than I am now.

This is my new IPhone Background:

The top quote was posted by Christina on her instagram and I loved it! It's so true! It's all about that consistency and staying FOCUSED. That's how I was before I left school, and that's when I saw the most results! So I'll basically be trying to get the motivation I had in the summertime back, but I'll be doing it RIGHT this time around! No starvation, no low calories, no not lifting weights!

This time around I'm so excited to see the results that comes with this new dedication and motivation! 

If I can stick with it for just 2 months, heck, stick with this for just ONE month, then I'll have won. I'll have defeated my "current bad eating habits and ways" self.

Looking forward to the future to get a better version of the body of my past to beat the cheating/unmotivated mindset of the now.

Wish me luck.
#OperationS = ON



Disclaimer: I am not a personal trainer or nutritionist and do not provide meal plans or workout plans for anyone other than myself. In order to find out your goals and other nutrition and health information, use sources such as google, bodybuilding.com, and the like!

Total Body Workout and News!

Hey again everyone! 

Wow, I've been on top of blog posts this month! Trying to post more for you guys during any down time I get during these last hectic few weeks of my Sophomore fall semester!

Wow time FLIES!

Seriously, I feel like it was just YESTERDAY when I first started my Instagram, when actually it was more like back in July! 

Creating it has done so much for me that I never imagined it would. 

I've had the amazing opportunity to connect with all of YOU, learn more about health and fitness, feel more confident about my own body, learn of some amazing clean eating recipes, be inspired and motivated everyday, anddddd big news.....

Become sponsored by MAKE PLAYS OR DIE!

Yup that's right! I'll be able to strut my stuff repping their awesome workout gear! And I love their motto:

“Our motto on the field was ‘We need to make plays or die,’” Johnson-Koulianos said. “Basically, if we don’t do our job and make plays, we’re not going to win, losing was dying to us.”

I vow to always "make plays or die" and never ever quit in my journey to being fit!

Will you?!

Head over to their site and check out their sweet swagggggg.

TOTAL BODY WORKOUT

I love making these things, they're just so fun!

Try and have as LITTLE rest between each exercise if you can! And then maybe rest for :30-:60 before the next round.

Work up a SWEATY SWEAT!

It's a combo of Strength & Cardio!

BURN THOSE CALS!