As you all know, I was having a rough month.
I know it's nice to
see others in the same position you are in so you don't feel so alone,
so my setbacks are kinda
good for you all!
But I feel I have
wayyyy too
many slip ups under my belt now... So sorry if I've ever let any of you down with
how many times I've messed up!
So I got my results back from the blood test the other day and was told to up my
hyperthyroid medication [
tapazole, which is supposed to make my thyroid less hyper] to 3 pills a day.
Now here's the
confession part....
Even when I was told to take 2 pills a day....
I did not.
I didn't take any pills.
Secretly... I
wanted to stay hyper, and
not go into hypo. I wanted to keep my firing metabolism. I didn't want to have the horror stories of those with Hypothyroidism who say it's impossible to lose weight.
Unfortunately, I didn't think of all the other negative side effects that comes with hyperthyroidism. Along with a speedy metabolism, comes
increasing hunger and the feeling of
never being satisfied with food.
I didn't realize this until I started up again with the 3 pill dosage a few days ago.
When I took the recommended dose in the morning,
I felt like a brand new person!
I DIDN'T FEEL HUNGRY ALL THE TIME
I DIDN'T FEEL STARVING THROUGHOUT THE DAY
And
most importantly
I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE BINGING AT ALL
I was
so angry at myself....
All this time I was trying to
FIGHT my body, keep it out of whack and not in a normal state by keeping it in the hyper stage. Why?! Just to help me along to get my fit body!?!
Turns out I was doing
more harm than good! I feel like THIS is part of the reason why I started binging.... when the hyper symptoms came back.. all these overwhelming hunger pangs and never feeling satisfied with food feelings flooded and overwhelmed me...
Now that I'm back on the recommended dosage, I actually feel
NORMAL.
I can't believe I wasted so many
months fighting it, when I should have just done it all along: Listened to the doctors, took my medication, and maybe if I had done that I wouldn't be in this position I am now! Ah beating myself in the head as I type this... but no mistakes without lessons learned, and boy did I learn the hard way.
Anyway, that's my confession! I was secretly trying to rev up my body to get the body I wanted, and ended up doing the exact opposite. I made my body go too crazy, hungry all the time, and didn't treat it like I should have, BUT NOW I KNOW BETTER. So if any of you
hyperthyroids are out there trying to do what I did..
DON'T!
Learn from my mistakes. Listen to the docs, and get to a normal level! <3
Now I'm excited to get my levels down to a
NORMAL person's levels, eat like a normal person, live a fit and healthy lifestyle, and
not let myself fall back again!
And sooooo I've kinda had the past 3
weeks to relax, rest, and really think about this lifestyle journey of
mine. And I wanted to share with you all what I've come up with.
First
off, I may end up quitting my part time job in my Mexi- Italian
restaurant... Just to not shove temptation in my face every weekend and
set myself up for failure. I'm going to try and find another job that's
not revolved around food! This way I can focus on the end of the semester and school work.. but then again I dooo need the money for healthy groceries... ah college budget... this is just a "maybe thought" as of now....
Next, the "
clean eating" aspect. I've
kinda changed my whole
view on how I'll be eating now.
One of the
reasons for my binging in the first place, besides making myself super hungry from letting my thyroid go super hyper, was because of
restriction.
After a while of eating crap the past few weeks, I found myself not even wanting that
much bad food anymore! I was able to say "no" to a burrito, froyo,
cereal, and other food vices of mine, which was a HUGE step for me!
Granted I'm not "
cured" or "
recovered" and I can't guarantee I
won't
binge again in the future, but this baby step was like a giant step for
me, and I'm happy about that.
So because of this revelation, I have made some changes to how I'm going to eat:
- I will NOT always be eating clean all the
time.
- I won't freak out about extra carbs or fats etc.
- I'm just going to
eat "most of the time [80-90%]" healthy and if I find myself needing a small
treat, then I'll have it! I'll have an extra scoop of peanut butter,
I'll have a little piece of chocolate, I'll have an Oreo or a piece of
not so clean bread or some hot chocolate!
- I'll no longer say "I can't
have...".
- I CAN have it, and maybe telling myself I CAN have it, will
make me be able to say, "Nah, I don't really want it". Does that make
any sense? If it's not seen as off limits to me, then maybe I won't
crave it so much!
And guess what?! I had this bad boy up here! It was a burger stuffed with a hotdog in the middle, CRAZY right?! And a side of sweet potato fries! Also had a fried oreo afterwards OH MY LAWDDDD. So good.
And in the past this is how it normally would have went:
Eat bad junk meal
Go home
Raid Cupboard
Eat 10 peanut butter banana sandwiches
+ protein bars
+ nature valley bars
+ anything else I could find in my kitchen at that time
Then go to bed feeling guilty as ever
But guess what happened today?
Eat bad junk meal
Went for a walk
Worked on my ebook
Ate a little sampling of one of my new recipes
Walked the dog
Baked tilapia
Finished ebook!
Walked the dog again [he pooped in the house URGH]
Working on this blog post
YES. That's right. NO BINGING. BABY STEPS!
SUCCESS!
Oh my gosh and I can NOT tell you how proud I am of myself!
To be able to have a cheat meal, and then NOT go home and binge....
I could literally cry tears of joy.... You don't know how many times in the past I would have done the usual routine above.... Go home and binge on everything in site..
I can't remember a time I DIDN'T do that! But now I can, and that night is TONIGHT! And I hope for MANY MANY MANY more nights like these! Where I can go out, and eat a not so healthy food, and come back and get back on track!
And man, does it feel GOOOOOOD.
Next thing I'm working on are:
Goals. Making clear goals for myself is what I
need for motivation.
If you're lacking motivation, that really means you
don't have anything you're
STRIVING for! Go BEYOND aesthetics like "I
wanna look good" but go more for the inner goals, "I want to be
stronger, I want my mind to be stronger, I want to start being healthy
now so in the future it won't be so hard..." Etc. Find your own goals
and reasons to keep to this fit healthy lifestyle!
Or even do the
OPPOSITE, think of what'll happen if you DON'T DO ANYTHING.
Like the quote I posted the other day on Instagram:
What'll happen if you DON'T
change! Think of the negative views! "I have no control, I don't feel
confident, I need to buy new clothes..." Etc etc.... Sad but sometimes
the negative reasons push us to act as well!
And next thing I thought about were
WORKOUTS. I have to remember to DO my workouts, lift heavy, train
dirty, do cardio, and GET FIT! BUTTTT if I miss workouts, it's
not the end of the
world. A lifestyle journey should be
enjoyable for life, not a
chore! I'm not going to do things I absolutely despise! If I am just going to be doing things I hate, why would I even WANT to get up and do them? NO, my workouts will be fun, enjoyable, and make me HYPED to get to the gym!
WELLPPPPPP this blog post was kinda everywhere... sorry for my spasticness :P BUT overall I've learned to trust doctors :P, keep up with my medicine, I've gotten a new perspective on this healthy lifestyle, I've had a SUCCESSFUL day, and I'll have many more to come.
Peace out #fitfam <3 <3