I know it's nice to see others in the same position you are in so you don't feel so alone, so my setbacks are kinda good for you all!
But I feel I have wayyyy too many slip ups under my belt now... So sorry if I've ever let any of you down with how many times I've messed up!
So I got my results back from the blood test the other day and was told to up my hyperthyroid medication [tapazole, which is supposed to make my thyroid less hyper] to 3 pills a day.
Now here's the confession part....
Even when I was told to take 2 pills a day.... I did not.
I didn't take any pills.
Secretly... I wanted to stay hyper, and not go into hypo. I wanted to keep my firing metabolism. I didn't want to have the horror stories of those with Hypothyroidism who say it's impossible to lose weight.
Unfortunately, I didn't think of all the other negative side effects that comes with hyperthyroidism. Along with a speedy metabolism, comes increasing hunger and the feeling of never being satisfied with food.
I didn't realize this until I started up again with the 3 pill dosage a few days ago.
When I took the recommended dose in the morning,
I felt like a brand new person!
I DIDN'T FEEL STARVING THROUGHOUT THE DAY
And most importantly
I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE BINGING AT ALL
I was so angry at myself....
All this time I was trying to FIGHT my body, keep it out of whack and not in a normal state by keeping it in the hyper stage. Why?! Just to help me along to get my fit body!?!
Turns out I was doing more harm than good! I feel like THIS is part of the reason why I started binging.... when the hyper symptoms came back.. all these overwhelming hunger pangs and never feeling satisfied with food feelings flooded and overwhelmed me...
Now that I'm back on the recommended dosage, I actually feel NORMAL.
I can't believe I wasted so many months fighting it, when I should have just done it all along: Listened to the doctors, took my medication, and maybe if I had done that I wouldn't be in this position I am now! Ah beating myself in the head as I type this... but no mistakes without lessons learned, and boy did I learn the hard way.
Anyway, that's my confession! I was secretly trying to rev up my body to get the body I wanted, and ended up doing the exact opposite. I made my body go too crazy, hungry all the time, and didn't treat it like I should have, BUT NOW I KNOW BETTER. So if any of you hyperthyroids are out there trying to do what I did.. DON'T!
Learn from my mistakes. Listen to the docs, and get to a normal level! <3Now I'm excited to get my levels down to a NORMAL person's levels, eat like a normal person, live a fit and healthy lifestyle, and not let myself fall back again!
And sooooo I've kinda had the past 3 weeks to relax, rest, and really think about this lifestyle journey of mine. And I wanted to share with you all what I've come up with.
First off, I may end up quitting my part time job in my Mexi- Italian restaurant... Just to not shove temptation in my face every weekend and set myself up for failure. I'm going to try and find another job that's not revolved around food! This way I can focus on the end of the semester and school work.. but then again I dooo need the money for healthy groceries... ah college budget... this is just a "maybe thought" as of now....
Next, the "clean eating" aspect. I've kinda changed my whole view on how I'll be eating now.
One of the reasons for my binging in the first place, besides making myself super hungry from letting my thyroid go super hyper, was because of restriction.
After a while of eating crap the past few weeks, I found myself not even wanting that much bad food anymore! I was able to say "no" to a burrito, froyo, cereal, and other food vices of mine, which was a HUGE step for me!
Granted I'm not "cured" or "recovered" and I can't guarantee I won't binge again in the future, but this baby step was like a giant step for me, and I'm happy about that.
So because of this revelation, I have made some changes to how I'm going to eat:
- I will NOT always be eating clean all the time.
- I won't freak out about extra carbs or fats etc.
- I'm just going to eat "most of the time [80-90%]" healthy and if I find myself needing a small treat, then I'll have it! I'll have an extra scoop of peanut butter, I'll have a little piece of chocolate, I'll have an Oreo or a piece of not so clean bread or some hot chocolate!
- I'll no longer say "I can't have...".
- I CAN have it, and maybe telling myself I CAN have it, will make me be able to say, "Nah, I don't really want it". Does that make any sense? If it's not seen as off limits to me, then maybe I won't crave it so much!
And guess what?! I had this bad boy up here! It was a burger stuffed with a hotdog in the middle, CRAZY right?! And a side of sweet potato fries! Also had a fried oreo afterwards OH MY LAWDDDD. So good.
And in the past this is how it normally would have went:
Eat bad junk meal
Eat 10 peanut butter banana sandwiches
+ protein bars
+ nature valley bars
+ anything else I could find in my kitchen at that time
Then go to bed feeling guilty as ever
But guess what happened today?
Eat bad junk meal
Went for a walk
Worked on my ebook
Ate a little sampling of one of my new recipes
Walked the dog
Walked the dog again [he pooped in the house URGH]
Working on this blog post
YES. That's right. NO BINGING. BABY STEPS!
Oh my gosh and I can NOT tell you how proud I am of myself!
To be able to have a cheat meal, and then NOT go home and binge....
I could literally cry tears of joy.... You don't know how many times in the past I would have done the usual routine above.... Go home and binge on everything in site..
I can't remember a time I DIDN'T do that! But now I can, and that night is TONIGHT! And I hope for MANY MANY MANY more nights like these! Where I can go out, and eat a not so healthy food, and come back and get back on track!
And man, does it feel GOOOOOOD.
Next thing I'm working on are: Goals. Making clear goals for myself is what I need for motivation.
If you're lacking motivation, that really means you don't have anything you're STRIVING for! Go BEYOND aesthetics like "I wanna look good" but go more for the inner goals, "I want to be stronger, I want my mind to be stronger, I want to start being healthy now so in the future it won't be so hard..." Etc. Find your own goals and reasons to keep to this fit healthy lifestyle!
Or even do the OPPOSITE, think of what'll happen if you DON'T DO ANYTHING.
Like the quote I posted the other day on Instagram:
And next thing I thought about were WORKOUTS. I have to remember to DO my workouts, lift heavy, train dirty, do cardio, and GET FIT! BUTTTT if I miss workouts, it's not the end of the world. A lifestyle journey should be enjoyable for life, not a chore! I'm not going to do things I absolutely despise! If I am just going to be doing things I hate, why would I even WANT to get up and do them? NO, my workouts will be fun, enjoyable, and make me HYPED to get to the gym!
WELLPPPPPP this blog post was kinda everywhere... sorry for my spasticness :P BUT overall I've learned to trust doctors :P, keep up with my medicine, I've gotten a new perspective on this healthy lifestyle, I've had a SUCCESSFUL day, and I'll have many more to come.
Peace out #fitfam <3 <3