Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Why I'm Not Competing...

That's right #fitfam

I've made the decision to not compete.....

If you didn't read about my concerns about competing, go HERE to read it.

So along with the many other reasons I had with competing, one of them was to get control of my binge eating problem.... I thought:

maybe if I could get through this prep, then I can get through anything! I can stop binging, stop eating past the point of full/uncomfortable, get control of my eating habits and get back to the healthy lifestyle I had in the beginning! 

But unfortunately it seems to have not really helped and actually has backfired... I find myself wanting to binge more than ever, and sometimes I'm not even able to control it and do end up binging..

I think I went into this competition too fast.

Lots of people PREPARE for competitions.
They've been with the healthy lifestyle for a while already, with their food and eating habits controlled, and at a good healthy lean weight, and they also prepare mentally for all of it, and I was not at any of these points.

When I decided to do this competition, I was at a point in my life that was still rocky, with my whole healthy lifestyle journey. I had been on and off the wagon, battling my binging problems, not completely in the right mindset about what I would be getting myself into. I just thought "Hey, this seems like a good thing that'll challenge me... push me past my limits" but I went in too far over my head.

I should have waited till I was already consistent and comfortable in the clean eating healthy journey, not gone in at a point where I was still dealing with those issues. I should have recovered completely from B.E.D before going into this journey, but it just triggered it all over again.

Like I said in my past post, the past few weeks have been rocky, I got back home with my family for break, and I just let loose. Today I talked with my sister about me contemplating doing this competition and brought up how I was scared about my binging coming back up, and she told me she noticed and also worried about that too, saying she saw some of my old ways emerging again, back when I binged a lot last year. She also said I am a LOT moodier/less happy than I used to be when I wasn't preparing for this competition... back when I was just doing a fit and happy lifestyle.

And I agree with her. 

I felt less happy, on edge all the time, not enjoying the lifestyle, the foods, anything. My grades were also dropping, I snapped at my roommates and my family, no good no good.

These past few days with just clean healthy eating have brought me back to really enjoy the lifestyle. I've missed it. Clean ol' fun eating foods! Healthy lifestyle eating. I don't feel as unfocused, tired, moody, I feel happier, more "Josie". And it's only been a few days!

So in all, that's basically why I'm not competing this summer.

Now I know I've probably let a lot of people down, my coach, my suit sponsor, and all of you ig-ers.

And trust me, I reallly really really wanted to compete.... but in all honesty, I KNOW post comp I would have gone crazy, if I didn't already go crazy before comp... I'd be binging hardcore nonstop and that would NOT be good.... So many horror stories from competitors who can NOT control their eating after comp because they've restricted so long.... and I would just... go insane.....

Please don't see this as me GIVING UP. I am not giving up, I am listening to my body, and not putting it through something I KNOW I'll regret down the road and that will become unhealthy for me....

I'm looking out for me, my health, my sanity right now.
Down the road I hope to get full control of my eating and lifestyle, and THEN, maybe some day in the future, next year, 2 years from now, 10 years from now, I'd love to compete. Just now isn't the right time. And I'm sorry for any of you I've disappointed... but I had to do this for me.

Thanks for understanding fit fam.

So for now I hope to just inspire you all as a regular college student, trying to live the healthy life, one clean eat and workout at a time.



  1. Hey Josie girl, I totally understand what you're doing and why. YOU were one of the people that inspired me and pushed me to get back into clean eating and working out again. I know how it feels to feel like you're letting a whole bunch of people down with a decision that is best for YOU, but to the bunch of people who HAVE been where you are, we understand. And we back you 100%. You have to do what's right for you and your body. I think it is very brave what you are doing and in no way should you be disappointed with yourself. :) In a way, this has inspired me in new ways to stand up for what's right for me and my body with my fitness journey. Keep doing what you're doing, chica. :)

    1. aw thanks so much kaitlyn for the support! it means a LOT to me that everyone's been so supportive about this! <3 fit fam!
      thank you thank you i'll keep pushing on
      and good luck to YOU with your lifestyle journey!

  2. I am proud of you that you can see what the problem is, admitting that there is a problem and take a huge step to solve it. Not everybody is willing to admit that they have problem or they will just pretend that it doesn't exist. At the end of the day, your health and your body is what's most important and you are taking care of your body. I am sure it is disappointing considering how excited you were about it. But, as you said, down the road, the opportunity is always there and you can always do it then. It's all about priority in life :) Keep going and keep inspiring people babe! ~krisflower (IG)

    1. thanks so much love you rock! yes i ultimately have to do what's best for MY body and mind! <3 yes it'll always be an option down the road once i've gotten a firm grasp on this lifestyle! <3 <3 good luck to you babe in everything!

  3. I can relate to you. I work full time and go to college part time and I love healthy eating and working out but finding the time to do it is the hardest b/c I am always tired. I understand that this wasn't the right time for you to compete. I wish I could really really pump up my workouts and just focus on my food, gym and work but throwing school in there totally messes me up.

    1. most definitellyyyyyy school does take a lot out of our days, but we gotta do what we gotta do and focus on what's most important! school does make things hard but theres always time to do little positive things that can affect our healthy lifestyle journey. food prep, take stairs, walk to class, etc.

  4. Hey girl. I know how you feel and I've been going through the same problems. Don't think you are giving up! Right now you have to focus on yourself and what is best for you. I can admit that I have a binging issue too. You're the first person who i've actually heard admit it and I am inspired by your positiveness. My goal is to get back on track because I was doing so good then a major stressor came along and ruined it. Now i'm trying so hard to get back on track but I find it hard/frustrating some days. Any suggestions? You may be my shoulder to lean on when I go on my little eating rants lol!

    1. hey girlie! its alright! you just have to take it ONE day at a time! don't view it as a chore, but as something that'll make you HAPPIER. get realistic goals in mind and stick to it. like "no binges for 3 days" or "no junk for a week" etc. get goals to loook forward to, make a plan, set it up, and then put it to action!